Sleep now in the fire
by Twiguy60
Summary: New Moon. Alice see's a different vision of Bella's future.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my 1****st**** attempt at fan fiction be kind.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. I'm just taking the characters out for a spin.**

BPOV

It's been months 6 months to be exact. I still felt numb, I just wanted to feel again but every time I let myself feel the whole in my heart would swell and ripple around the edges. Jacob tried to heal the hole and for a while it seemed to be mending but he could only put back the pieces that I had left. There would always be a piece missing the piece that Ed…That he took with him the vital piece of the puzzle.

Things are bad again and I don't think I can go on anymore. I wonder if Alice will see or if she would even care. But either way I have decided I will not live in this world without him. I know I made a promise and im breaking it but he broke his first. "It will be as if I never existed"

He can take my CD, pictures, plain tickets but I remember him every time I sit alone in biology feeling the imprint of his hands were he had griped to desk on that first day, every time I hear music I hear My…..The Lullaby and of coarse I have the physical evidence on my body the crescent shaped scare on my wrist gave proof to the fact that Vampires existed and the memory of how I got that scare will never be forgotten, the burn of the venom the awful fire. I winched at the memory.

All that was left was the way in which to end it. Now would be as good as time as any Charlie wouldn't be home until Sunday night he was on an extended fishing trip with Harry. So I had 3 days alone. So there was no one to stop me, so before I made my final decision. I took the phone off the hook turned off my cell and headed for the bathroom.

I turned the water on in the tub not even caring to make it comfortably warm. Warmth is for the living and I am just corpse buried above ground. When the tub was half full I removed my clothes and reached for Charlie's razor. With tearless eyes I lowered myself into the cold water not allowing the cold of the water to bring back the memories.

I placed the razor on of the crescent shaped mark on my wrist. If he wanted it to be as if he never existed then I would erase the physical evidence myself. I allowed myself to say his name one last time. "Goodbye Edward I love you" and I slashed hard on my wrist.

Immediately I smelt the blood rusted salt smell but I felt no pain. I guess I really was numb "It will be as if I never existed" I whispered

I looked down at my wrist at the large red gash I had created and gasped. I saw the red but mixed in with the red a thick clear liquid that seemed to be leaking from the wound. It seemed that the liquid was coming out of the now cut open bite mark and was now mixing in with the surrounding bloody flesh.

At first all I felt was a tingling in my wrist then warmth. I was in an ice cold bath naked where was the heat coming from? Then the warmth turned into a heat. And I submerged my arm to try and sooth the burn in my wrist, but the burn just continued to build and I realized I felt this before. In the ballet studio with James. It was vampire venom and I was once again burning. Before I was completely consumed by the fire I thought of the irony that I was trying to end my life and will now be cursed to live forever without him. Then the fire consumed me. And I was lost to the flames.

APOV

It had been has been six months since we left forks, left Bella, and it has been five months since Edward left, we hear from him now and again like he promised, last I seen he was in south America.

I know I promised him I wouldn't, that we left Bella to protect her, but I had to make sure. Edward was on another continent and who knows when we will ever see him again. So every now and then I would sneak a peak into Bella's life. Every time I hoped and every time that hope was shattered by what I saw. The best way to describe it was well like watching reruns. Bella wakes up screaming, Bella dresses for school, Bella at school, Bella goes home does her home work and chores, Bella reluctantly goes to bed, and the cycle repeats. She was just going through the motions of life not really living it. Until one day she disappeared altogether and I thought I had lost her.

In all of my existence as a Vampire I had never had a headache until that day. For hours I strained to force a vision, I had to know that she was alright. She was my best friend I loved her like a sister, I was minutes away from heading to the airport when her future suddenly reappeared as if the blinds had been lifted. But her future was now clouded and uncertain.

And now here we are in Denali Visiting Tanya's family when suddenly I am hit with multiple visions. Bella hanging from the rafters, Bella with a bullet hole in her head, Bella with a knife in her chest her hand still on the handle. All these images are options she is toying with, deciding on. I try to see further but as I look far I see only Black this will happen soon and I don't have much time to stop her.

"NO" I scream

I scramble for my cell phone but before I can even pull it from my bag I am hit with a vision. Bella she is taking the phone off the wall and had turned off her cell phone she wants no interruptions for what she is planning,

"Bella please don't" I scream at the vision before me willing her to hear me, but she just slowly walks up the stairs towards the bathroom. The choice is made and I cannot help but watch as my sister walks to her death at her own hand. If I could cry I would have shed buckets by now. I feel Jasper at my side and can feel him sending me calming waves but nothing can stem the grief I feel at the scene unfolding before me.

She was naked in the cold tub now with a razor in her hand pressed to her wrist. She closed her eyes and spoke. "Goodbye Edward I love you" and the she slashed her wrist deep. She doesn't even scream as the blade slices flesh, just stares at the wound with a blank expression. twisting her wrist around as if watching the blood flow. " It will be as if I never existed" She whispers to herself.

By this point I was dry sobbing into Jaspers Shirt his frantic questions falling on deaf ears as I witnessed this tragedy all to soon Bella Began to fade and my vision with her.

As hard as i could i looked for Bella and found nothing for a solid day i searched hoping against hope that somehow she would be alright then out of nowhere I see a forest and someone darting through it at a speed only achievable by one of my kind I can't make out who it is I am seeing only that they are running ...and fast. All of a sudden they stop. as if sensing my presence. The unknown Vampire slowly looks over her shoulder towards my Point of View and what I see sends a jolt of fear and also hope through me. There with Her long Brown hair sparkly ivory skin and deep ruby red eyes is a my best friend and sister...Bella is now, or very soon will be a newborn Vampire.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N : I liked Bella's power in Breaking dawn but I decided it needed a little more. and I thought of a scene from a movie called Constantine with Keanu Reeves. When he is using "The Chair" to induce a Vision of the bad guy. While Constantine is only an observer watching the vision the possessed "Bad guy" seems to feel himself being watched and at the end of that scene actually turns on Constantine and physically grabs him. Well it got me thinking that what if Bella's power worked the same way Sure she can't stop Alice from seeing her but what if she could sense when she was being watched or even see the person looking. like when she could feel Jane's attacks against her shield in Breaking dawn.

Bpov

I remember him telling me once that the venom was excruciating. That seems like a massive understatement compared to the searing flames I am submerged in now. I know I am in a bath of cool water and it should not feel like scalding acid but it does and yet I am unable to move. It is as if my whole body has shutdown. all that is active is my mind and even that is clouded with this mind numbing pain that makes time drain away. How long have I been burning? It feels like it has been days. My mind wanders but eventually I am able to think clearly as if my mind has grown in size and I am able to think of multiple things at once while still burning. I ponder how the venom could have still been in my system all this time and never changed me before now. and I remember one story that Charlie told me about a deputy he had who was shot on duty trying to stop an armed robbery. The deputy was shot in the Shoulder and the bullet lodged deep in muscle. Doctors where able to remove most of the bullet fragments but some remained they were rapidly encapsulated by fibrous tissue. In essence his body healed around the fragment and quarantined it from the body in a thick cocoon of tissue. I suppose something similar happened to me when Edward sucked James venom from my system. That is the only conclusion I can come up with. I pondered all of this with only a portion of my mind the rest was totally consumed in the fire, yet I was still unable to move.

It could of been weeks for all I know the fire burned away all notions of time but I became aware of 2 things. 1st I could now hear and smell things I had never been able to before like cars driving by on the freeway miles away and the smell of the forest and all the animals within and most of all I could smell blood. My blood and my god it smelt...Awful... It still sent fire through my throat and I knew it would sooth it but it was not a smell that I would attribute with anything cold and wet. I used to be able to smell blood it smelt of rust and salt but now it smelt like an ocean and I was drowning in it.

and 2nd I was being watched. I don't know how I knew but I did someone or something was here with me. A new instinct was rising in me and the moment my Heart stopped beating I leaped from the tub as if leaping from the flames and was crouched against the wall and snarling at... nothing. The snarl brought me up short and made me focus, I scanned the room and found no danger I could recognize. All I could see was the empty room and the evidence of my attempted suicide.

As quickly as I could I cleaned the room removing all evidence and making it look like nothing took place and I wrote a note to Charlie telling him that I was leaving and that he would likely never see me again and that I would call or write him as soon as I was settled. Blood might smell awful to me but I was not about to risk Charlie's life to test that theory.

As soon as I was finished I ran to the forest, I needed to hunt. As soon as I was far enough away from civilization I tracked down a herd of deer grazing in a field nearby and I was surprised at how easy it was to follow the scents and sounds of the forest to find my prey. Just as was getting ready to make take down the 1st of my prey the feeling of being watched overcome me And i look over my shoulder i saw...Nothing. I return to my hunt and taste blood for the 1st time. I hadn't forgotten what i had been trying to do and i knew from the stories Carlisle had told me that it would not be easy. Suddenly a dim memory came to me a foggy reminder of his voice on my birthday. "Well, I wasn't going to live without you, he'd said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die,  
here in this very room. But I wasn't sure how to do it… I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the  
Volturi… You don't irritate them. Not unless you want to die."

And suddenly i had an option.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer. I don't own twilight. or the characters just playing with them

Epov

It felt like the venom burn all over again the only difference is that I knew this pain would last much longer then 3 days. Hauled up in some run down attic apartment somewhere in South America curled up in a pathetic heap. If only Bella could see me now she would finally believe that she deserved better then me.

It could have been years for all I know the days have melded together into one long moment of pain. I started out looking for Victoria the one and only possible threat to my Bella. But my tracking skill are non existent apparently because I have yet to reacquire her scent after tracing her here. It must be a false lead I reasoned and so I did as I always do when not actively tracking I curled up in that Pathetic ball and let the pain come.

It's getting close now. I am done living from day to day hour to hour every minute is spent questioning myself did I do the right thing by Bella? is she safe without me? is she better off? Is she happy? Should I go back. I could see her from a distance and make sure, "Just watch" I tell myself. But I know it's all lies if I go back all of me goes back and it will be on hands and knees begging for forgiveness.

She may refuse but I would be persistent just as she was in the beginning. "Is this it?" I ask myself have I made my decision? So much for my promises, I broke every promise I ever made to Bella. what's one more? but a vow is something altogether different. I would prove to her that I love her, beg, grovel and when I have won her trust back I will ask her to be my wife. It may take time but time I have.

I realize there is a long road ahead of me and that I will need to hunt before I can go anywhere near any major transport hubs. it feels like years since I even gave the thirst my attention. But I know I would not be anymore deserving of Bella's forgiveness if I was to become even more of a monster. and I would not like to disappoint Carlisle not again. Esme, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper my family again it seems like years that I have even thought those names let alone put faces to the names in my head. and now how I miss them.

I know I have a lot to make up for with them as well especially Alice she who lost almost as much as me when we left forks. Or should I say when I forced them to leave forks.

So first I hunt then I begin my walk down the road. The road home because after all they say home is where the heart is and I left mine with Bella.

3days later.

I don't know how I exactly got here I have sort of been running on autopilot. For once in my life me and the monster inside me agree on something we need to get back to Bella, and here I am on the home stretch.

Bella's house where she lives with he father Charlie. _sigh..._He is not going to be very happy to see me I am not looking forward to that conversation. But at the moment there is another conversation that needs to happen and I need to do it before I go completely mad.

I scramble up her tree just like I have done many times before but unlike those other times Bella's window is closed to me. I pear in through the curtain and cannot make out any signs of movement it is almost 3am Bella should be sound asleep safe in her own bed. And then a thought occurs to me. _Maybe she is in her own bed...back in phoenix with Renee. _I slowly Slide her window open and enter her room it hasn't changed a bit from the last time I was here. I pick up a faint trace of Bella's scent and it's not so old 3-5 days tops maybe I am not to late.

I decide I will wait until morning and talk to Charlie.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer. I don't own twilight. or the characters just playing with them

Cpov (Charlie)

I wake up as always just before my alarm is set to go off. And practically have to force myself out of bed. I love my job, I love my town, but since Bella left it has seemed pointless. For one thing I have not herd one thing from her since she left and it has been almost two weeks and second I have not been able to find her. What kind of police officer am I? What kind of father? I make my coffee and am just about to leave for station when there is knock on the door.

Being almost 6am I am curious to see who would be calling in so early and hope against hope as I do every time I open this door that my baby girl will be there. But she never is.

My day goes from bad to worst as soon as I open the door because before me stands non other then the reason for Bella leaving in the first place Edward Cullen.

He breaks the silence first

"good morning Charlie, I realize it is early and that I might not be a welcome sight to you but I was wondering if I might see Bella"

My brow furrowed at this. Even thought I had not been able to track down the Cullen's I had assumed that's where Bella had gone that she knew something I didn't and had found them.

And she and Edward had run away together.

But this confirmed my fears, she is out the on her own.

"she is not here" I tell him not giving him more information then I need to.

"oh has she gone to Jacksonville to live with Renee?"

"I thought that at first but Renee and I have not heard a word from Bella for almost two weeks"

As I said this I watched his face and noticed that he did not look surprised

_I wonder if he knows something?_ I Ask myself or I realize that he just might not care.

"Come inside Edward we need to talk"

Epov

We went inside to talk I already knew half the information I was looking for from reading Charlies mind but I must keep up appearances. Plus I would not deprive Charlie of the answers he needs, at least the answers I was able to give him without breaking any laws.

"you have some explaining to do son" Charlie said with a frown

"I know now that Carlisle never took a job in LA like he told the hospital here in forks, so why exactly did you all leave and why did it have hurt her so much"

Just as he said that last part an image of Bella in the arms of a big native American man being carried unconscious back to Charlie flashed through his mind flowed by image after image of Bella living but not living.

I tried to hold back to pain and failed.

"My family left because I asked them too so ,that Bella could have. Normal life"

I said hoping he would not push the issue.

"And your what? Not normal?" he said sarcastically

"What I am ..is incapable of reproduction. I have been since birth and I wanted Bella to be able to have that, to have children and a family things that I could never give her. And I thought if I left her she would move on and eventually find someone who would give her these things. And love her."

While I was saying this Charlie's face lost all colour the light red hue from his anger dissipated as he took in my words which was technically truth if you count my transformation into a vampire as my birth.

"You ...You left her because you where unable to give her kids." _Your only a teenager for crying out loud who thinks that far ahead? and Bella...she mustn't of told him..._

"You and Bella are only just getting started why would be thinking about kids" he asked suspicious now.

"I tend to get ahead of myself and once I realized that I was indeed in love with her the thought of marriage came to mind. And marriage leads too children... at least for men who are capable of such things. And I am unable and I know Bella never spoke of marriage or children but I also know from listening too my sisters and mother who herself is infertile that having ones own children is every woman's dream. So I left . A clean break so she would heal and move on. All that mattered was that she would have these things even if it meant I would not be a part of it."

Charlie was silent for a long while even his thoughts .

"Son all the pain Bella is going through now and you have put yourself through has been for nothing" he said bluntly

I was shocked. I hadn't seen that coming had no hint of it at all from his thoughts but now it was clear as day, Bella Suffered from a genetic disorder it was all flowing through his mind now the Doctors consults, specialist Renee crying Bella as a young girl a ballerina stumbling and falling, again and again until the last time she stumbled and done some serious damage too her womb. "Never to bare children" the Doctors say, "I'm sorry" the doctors say. "In a wheelchair by age 30" they say..

"Have you ever noticed how Bella is very clumsy son? or how she seems to be able to trip over thin air. well Bella has been sick from an early age. This disease causes that. The Doctors said it was Genetic it effects Balance and coadunation and well Bella fell a lot and all those falls did some damage. She was left incapable of bearing children Edward. And I'm sure she would have told you this herself if you had not assumed you know the minds of woman and talked about it." The Doctors said it was genetic and that she most likely got it from me as men are carriers of this disorder. they said she would most likely be wheelchair bound by her mid thirties"

_And Renee she couldn't forgive me._

And suddenly it all made sense Bella had always had low self esteem, Never saw herself clearly. She always felt unworthy and I thought back to our first time in the meadow.

"Well, look at me," I said, unnecessarily as he was already staring. "I'm absolutely

ordinary — well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you." I waved my hand toward him and all his bewildering perfection."

And Charlie was right it was all for nothing.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: The genetic disorder I referred to in one of my previous chapters is called Fredric's ataxia one of my cousins suffers from this.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. I'm just taking the characters out for a spin.**

BPOV

It was has been 3 days since my transformation, 3 days since I fled forks and 3 days since I have fed. And I am really feeling the burn. But no matter what I did or where I went I still could not shake the feeling of being watched. It was just an instinctual feeling, Sort of like a tingling in the back of my mind. And it all suddenly made sense when i decided to hunt once again.

I was stalking a heard of deer that where drinking at a small pond, When I got the feeling of being again. My nostrils flaring searching for the threat but again finding nothing. Spooking my prey with my action. When I see an image out of the corner of my eye. My reflection in a small stream and something more. For a fraction of a second I thought I saw Alice looking back at me.

Realization hit me like a hammer. I was being watched... By Alice Cullen.

Then She must know by now what happened, what I tried to do, What I plan to do

I remember Edward telling me that she had wanted to say goodbye when they left but he convinced her not to. So I decided that she could at least receive my goodbye via Vision.

I concentrated on my reflection in the pond for a good 3 minutes deciding exactly what I would say to make sure she saw it. And confirming my suspicions the tingling in my mind came as soon as I began to speak.

"Alice I know you have been watching me and I know that you have probably seen what im planning to do. My life was never perfect. i have known since an early age that i would die young. I always saw myself as damaged goods until Edward entered my life, he gave me hope of a life worth living and a family that i always wanted."

"And like some cruel joke I have been giving immortality and it tastes like ash without him. He took my heart with him that day in the woods and with it my hope of my happily ever after. Tell him that this is not his fault. I was dying before I even meet him and I was alive while I was with him and although our time was short it was the happiest time of my life." And so I wanted to say goodbye to you Alice my friend my sister.


End file.
